


Under the Silent Stars

by akamine_chan



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Bandom Big Bang 2018, Community: bandombigbang, Fanmix, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-09-01 22:40:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16774342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akamine_chan/pseuds/akamine_chan
Summary: A mix for glowbugthunder's amazing artwork.





	Under the Silent Stars

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Stargazers](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/437194) by glowbugthunder. 



> Thanks to glowbugthunder for creating such amazing art, and to Ande for the quick look over.

[Download here](https://www.dropbox.com/s/x3ki5xngmmf74z6/utss.zip?dl=0)

When I saw the art, the first thing that came to mind was a story about Ray and Frank at the end of the world. Like, sitting outside stargazing and admitting their feelings for one another, knowing that the world was ending.

And that seemed like a pretty bleak story to write. Plus, my brain got really stuck on Frank's Death Spells shirt.

It's such a sweet picture, Frank and Ray sitting outside under the stars, being romantic, because you know that both of those boys are ridiculous saps when it comes to each other. I wanted a story to match the art in feel.

So I thought about it and thought about it and thought about it, and thought that maybe Frank was on tour with Death Spells, Ray was still out in California, and maybe a celestial object was going to pass close enough to Earth that some people thought that it was going to hit and be an extinction level event.

So the news is full of doom and gloom (...sounds familiar) and Frank's on tour, and he and Ray kinda review their relationship through phone calls and texts and stuff.

Because Frank is committed to New Jersey, and Ray lives in California, and they've never made it work, but with the coming of this meteorite that may or may not hit the planet and end the world - they're both thinking, maybe it's time to make this work. Life's too short to not be together.

***

Unfortunately, my writing mojo decided to go on an extended holiday, and I had to make a mix for a story that doesn't exist, based on glowbugthunder's lovely art. Maybe someday my writing mojo will return from the wars and I'll be able to write the story.

Until then…

****  
This mix is broken into distinct parts, broadly illustrating the overall arc of the story.

Part 1 - New Jersey

Frank's been in love with Jersey his whole life; he's defended her honor, and can't really see himself living anywhere else. It's where he grew up, it's where his family lives, he knows every filthy alley and bright fluorescent diner in the greater Newark area. He finds a rare sort of beauty in the dirty cityscapes, graffiti covered NJ Transit trains, and cracked concrete. He loves the people: loud and obnoxious, teased hair and the smell of coconut suntan lotion, and the in-your-face chutzpah of the people who live here.

But he misses Ray, and it's hard being in Jersey while Ray lives in California. Frank's tired of waking up alone.

Part 2 - California

Ray likes California. It's sunny and warm, he never has to shovel snow, and yeah, the whole Hollywood thing is pretty superficial, but he can live with it. He was never so invested in being a Jersey boy, not like Frank. He's comfortable here. He gets to hang out with Mikey and Gerard without having to be a band, they can just be friends and talk and go to Disneyland (Mikey) and the comic store (Gerard).

As much as he loves Frank, though, he doesn't want to move back to Jersey. Or anywhere on the east coast, to be honest. It turns out that California's laid-back warmth suits him.

Part 3 - Inbetween.

This is the inbetween part of the story, where Frank and Ray pine for each other as the Death Spells tour slowly winds its way across the country. It's the phone calls and text messages, the flashbacks that Ray gets when Frank asks _"Do you remember the first time we met?"_

This is the sadness and loneliness and anger and bitterness at the fact that they just can't make things work. They've made no commitments to each other, even though Frank was ready _years ago_ , and it's Frank's looming fear that Ray will find someone else.

He half wishes Ray _would_ find someone else, because then the door to all their potential futures is slammed shut, and he can grieve, and mourn, and move on.

But they make do with phone calls and FaceTiming and texts, the occasional trip to the opposite coasts, the mad scramble to get as close as possible, to map out new scars, new tattoos, to feel skin under their hands…

It's not enough. 

Part 4 - Stargazing

Death Spells gets to California, plays a couple of shows, and the last one is at the Troubadour. Ray goes to the show, and Frank knows he's in the audience, and seeing each other again, with all the excitement/fear of the passing meteorite, they both come to the realization that they are being stupid, that distance is an overcomable obstacle and they're just letting it get in their way.

Maybe there's some heated making out in the green room after the show, when James razzes the hell out of both of them, and promises to meet them for dinner the next day. Eventually they manage to get out of the venue and Ray drives them out to Topanga, while Frank dicks around with the stereo and makes pointed comments about wasting what could be perfect good sexy times.

Ray eventually parks and they hike a little way, and Ray pulls out a blanket from his rucksack and Frank makes fun of him for being a hopeless romantic. Ray is unperturbed, just holding Frank's hand and brushing his thumb over the Hopeless Romantic tattoo. They sit, and it's dark and the stars are brilliant, and Ray points out some of the constellations he knows (because he's a nerd) and it's sweet.

They talk about where they are and what they've been to each other, and how short life can be, especially with the threat of imminent destruction from a passing rogue meteorite/comet…

_"This is stupid," Ray says._

_"So fucking stupid," Frank agrees, leaning into the warmth of Ray's solid body._

Their road is bumpy, and not without rough spots, but they make it work.

Part 4 - Coda

Life's too short to waste the love you feel for someone.

Part 5 - Fin

Coming back full circle, traveling the world only to find what you were looking for right in front of you.

* * *

The songs.

**New Jersey**

*Meet Me At The Lanes - Dave Hause

This song is about Asbury Lanes, a landmark venue in Asbury Park. It's a perfect example of how New Jersey's music scene is both really big and really small. It's part of the reason Jersey is such a great place, and this song shows how friends are family.

*Hackensack - Fountains of Wayne

_But I will wait for you_  
_As long as I need to_  
_And if you ever get back to Hackensack_  
_I'll be here for you_

This is the thing that they can't get past. Frank loves Jersey, and he loves Ray, but he's not willing to give up Jersey. 

*No Future Part Three : Escape From No Future

_You will always be a loser_  
_You will always be a loser now_

_And that's okay_

Jersey has a reputation: dirty, rude, loud, obnoxious, corrupt, ugly. And that's okay. 

**California**

*Californication - the Red Hot Chili Peppers

_It's the edge of the world and all of western civilization_  
_The sun may rise in the East at least it's settled in a final location_  
_It's understood that Hollywood sells Californication._

California has an elevated sense of self-importance, but that doesn't matter to Ray. He doesn't have to shovel snow, ever, and he's happy there. 

*West Coast - Coconut Records

_And I miss you_  
_I'm goin' back home to the west coast_  
_I wish you woulda put yourself in my suitcase_  


California is home, and Ray can't imagine himself living anywhere else. He's put down roots, bought a nice house, borrows the neighbor's hedge clippers; it's almost like he's a normal person, living a normal life. Like all the years with My Chem were a dream.

*We Don't Need Another Song About California - My Chemical Romance

_Well, anywhere_  
_Where the city lights are hopeless for you_  
_We don’t care or need another song for California_

There's a lot about California to dislike, but Ray will take it over the relentless grit of Jersey.

**Inbetween**

These are all songs that give weight to everything Ray and Frank feel when they're not together. The bitter and the sweet of reunions, the anger and frustration of being unable to come to a compromise that works for both of them, the loneliness...

*Homesick - Dua Lipa 

_It's a bittersweet feeling_  
_Longing and I'm leaving_  
_I go, I go, I go_  
_But I wish I was there with you_  
_Oh, I wish I was there with you_

*Transatlanticism - Death Cab For Cutie

_The rhythm of my footsteps crossing flatlands to your_  
_Door have been silenced forevermore <.i>_  
_And the distance is quite simply much to far for me to row;_  
_It seems farther than ever before (oh no)_

*Many the Miles - Sara Bareilles

_I do what I can wherever I end up_  
_To keep giving my good love_  
_And spreading it around_  
_'Cause I've had my fair share of take care and goodbyes_

*Starlight - Muse

_Far away_  
_The ship is taking me far away_  
_Far away from the memories_  
_Of the people who care if I live or die_

*Vanilla Twilight - Owl City

_And I lie awake and miss you_  
_Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere_  
_'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly_  
_But I'll miss your arms around me_

*Proof - Paramore

_Over here_  
_You can count the miles away from where I wanna be_  
_Bet your skin is warm and that you're smiling_  
_Yea, that's what I always loved the most about you_

*Wish You Were Here - Florence + the Machine

_But even closer to you, you seem so very far_  
_And now I'm reaching out with every note I sing_  
_And I hope it gets to you on some pacific wind_  
_Wraps itself around you and whispers in your ear_  
_Tells you that I miss you and I wish that you were here_

*Oh! - Sleater Kinney

_There's fire if you want it let me know,_  
_I'm sick and I'm tired of letting go)_

*Ass Back Home - Gym Class Heroes featuring Neon Hitch

_We both knew this type of life didn't come with instructions_  
_So I'm trying to do my best to make something out of nothing_  
_And sometimes it gets downright shitty in fact_  
_When you call and I don't even know what city I'm in at_  
_Or what day of the week in the middle of the month_  
_In a year I don't recall_

*Lovesong - Adele

_However far away_  
_I will always love you_  
_However long I stay_  
_I will always love you_  
_Whatever words I say_  
_I will always love you_  
_I will always love you_

**Stargazing**

*A Sky Full of Stars - Coldplay

_'Cause in a sky, 'cause in a sky full of stars  
I think I saw you_

*The Whole of the Moon - The Waterboys

_I spoke about wings_  
_You just flew_  
_I wondered, I guessed and I tried_  
_You just knew_  
_I sighed_  
_But you swooned, I saw the crescent_  
_You saw the whole of the moon_  
_The whole of the moon_  


*All The Stars - Kendrick Lamar and SZA

_Love, let's talk about love_  
_Is it anything and everything you hoped for?_  
_Or do the feeling haunt you?_  
_I know the feeling haunt you_  
_This maybe the night that my dreams might let me know_  
_All the stars are closer, all the stars are closer, all the stars are closer_

*The Book of Love - The Magnetic Fields

_The book of love has music in it_  
_In fact that's where music comes from_  
_Some of it is just transcendental_  
_Some of it is just really dumb_  
_But I, I love it when you sing to me_  
_And you, you can sing me anything_  


*You Are The Moon - The Hush Sound

_I will bring a mirror, so silver, so exact_  
_So precise and so pristine, a perfect pane of glass_  
_I will set the mirror up to face the blackened sky_  
_You will see your beauty every morning that you rise_

*Under the Milky Way - The Church

_And it's something quite peculiar_  
_Something that's shimmering and white_  
_It leads you here despite your destination_  
_Under the Milky Way tonight_

**Coda**

*One More Light - Linkin Park

_Who cares if one more light goes out_  
_In the sky of a million stars?_  
_It flickers, flickers_  
_Who cares when someone's time runs out_  
_If a moment is all we are?_  
_Or quicker, quicker_  
_Who cares if one more light goes out?_  
_Well, I do_

Frank and Ray understanding how short life is, how quickly you can lose someone you love, and how those are the regrets that stay with you forever.

**Fin**

*.stage 4 fear of trying. - Frank Iero (Union Hall, NYC June 2013)

I have a bunch of live versions of this song, and I chose this one because this was probably the very first time Frank played his solo stuff. Death Spells had done a small run of shows opening for Mindless Self Indulgence a few weeks before, but the characteristic sound of the music he created with fiatc was just starting to coalesce. 

Stomachaches wouldn't drop for more than a year after this performance.

_And I traveled far, I reached for the stars_  
_But those stars don't reach back_  
_They're better left alone_  
_Everyone will tell you_  
_I never felt more alone than when I fell_  
_I don't know why it took so long to get back home_ _All these miles just to get back home  
Travelled all these miles just to get back home_

The realization that home is not a place, it's a person, it's family, it's _belonging_. And sometimes you have to come full circle to be able to appreciate the people who are your home.

-fin-


End file.
